So, in all honesty, I really haven't felt much "inspired" or "lead" to write anything... and I feel - as I've been rediscovering and re-evaluating the vision God's given me for my life - that even though I hold these inhibitors still, I need to push through them.

The post I set up yesterday was something I wrote almost two years back. I was attending a small congregation of the Four Sqaure church and the pastor there encouraged us (the members) to feel confident to prepare a message the Lord gave us and he'd give us a Sunday service to share it. This was supposed to be Part One of Three or Four on a series seeking how God inspires change - seeking it as I was trying to live it.

I clung to starting with conviction since personally I strive to seek conviction in my life. My viewpoint of myself as a person leads me to believe that I'm not lacking good qualities - that I have little to no room for improvement. Oddly enough this idea manages to sub-consciously co-exist with my ever-present awareness of certain faults. If you couldn't guess, this quickly and easily leads to personal and spiritual stagnation.

When I first came to accept Yeshua's sacrifice for my sins, I hungered for conviction. I felt it the one thing that could change me, pull me from the self-destructive cycle of knowing I'm truly far from who I want to be, but sub-consciously content with who I am. When I started to investigate the Biblical presence and usage of conviction, I came to realize that it was only the first step, and probably the easiest.

Looking into my own life as I wrote, I saw more and more that when I met the conviction I so hungered for, I often didn't complete the process of change. I'm intending to work on Step Two: Confession - which will be posted here once I manage to complete it - which I've also managed to achieve following certain convictions. Unfortunately, the part I, and I'm sure many others, have the most trouble with is Step Three: Complete Change - Repentance.

The more imminent question I have before me is this - Vision. Purpose - God, what am I supposed to be doing with this life?

I have a small gasping presence of His vision for my life in hand... but my eyes are dimmed by this life and the last two years of abandoning it and leaving it to die, lost in my past. I need to nurture that vision, allow God to feed it, strengthen it - and allow God to clear my eyes and strengthen my soul for the work he has established for me.